Shi*t My Dad Says

“Why would I want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I'll answer.” 

Justin Halpern started a twitter account and started tweeting things his dad said for the rest of the world to read and I was one of his followers back then and soon it was announced that he was going to author an entire book!

Of course I had to get my hands on the book and I have found that no matter how sad I am or how angry I am, reading that book always gives me a good laugh. Sometime in March this year I ended up reading the book again and decided to write this review. As it happens the book is a collection of anecdotes. These anecdotes are sprinkled with copious amounts of expletives and pearls of wisdom.

“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”

The book begins with a soon to be 30 Justin moving back to his parent’s place after being dumped by his girlfriend. That’s where this all began – he moved in with his parents – tweeted his father’s words – became famous! In the book he goes on to describe his time with his father while growing up and the things he learned from him.

Frankly I was really curious to know more about his dad because his father had some excellent parenting skills down. Teaching kids to be independent, letting them know that home is the one place where everybody deserves to be comfortable, letting your child know that animals are responsibility and unless they can really make the time ‘no animals’ at home.

“People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen.”

Things we often hear about but don’t often see – the father supporting the mother, the father taking the kid along when he has to work because he couldn’t find a baby sitter. The father getting furious and holding it in, till he finally gets home to let out a loud shout. What I found extremely refreshing about this book was that, no matter how many expletives were used they weren’t used in a manner that would hurt, instead the father is such an open, opinionated person with no inhibitions about his person or his manner of speech which is what makes him endearing to me. Justin begins the book by telling us that the one thing he’s realized is that his father is probably the only person in his life who is the least passive aggressive.

As children we all wanted to hear praises and words of affection but we also need a reality check, moral radar and most importantly respect. When you are done with the book the one glaring aspect you’ll probably see is, Samuel Halpern’s ability to treat everybody as individuals in their own right, rather than mere extensions of himself and those around him. 

“Pretty great, right?...Really? Well, we differ in opinion then. Don’t tell your mom I said that, though. Tell her I yelled at you and called you a moron. Actually, don’t tell her anything. See, now I’m paranoid, and I didn’t even smoke any.”

My rating: 3.8/5

My Recommendation: Read the book, skip the series. Yes, skip it even if it has William Shatner in it. (Also it takes about 45 minutes to finish the book without distraction.)

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the f%#k is Mad Men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."