Indian Matchmaking... Tie and Die
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| Sima Taparia - The Matchmaker |
Indian
matchmaking seems like the perfect segue to explain my absence and presence on
this blog. I had last posted here on 25th December, 2017. I could no
longer write the way I was writing earlier because I felt that the good out of
me was being sucked out by the people around me. I wanted to write but couldn’t
write, my friend Lulu couldn’t write because she wasn’t sure if she’d stick to
it once she started. That’s how Bob and Lulu was born. We decided that, that blog would be our escape; our alter
egos that people weren’t aware of were highlighted there. The blog was in parts
revenge and mostly our way of telling people, “In your face!”
If you read some
of my posts here between 2015 to 2017 you’ll realise that there was a lot of
anger and sadness in those posts and I did not want to make my safe place on
the internet a diary of sad stories. Where did all the anger and sadness come from?
Simple – My relatives and society. I learnt the hard way that the world doesn’t
care about women who tend to have ambitions or are independent, manage to do
well on their own. We are instead branded as stubborn, head strong and
arrogant.
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| Aparna |
I relate to
Aparna on the show because she is a lawyer and has clearly stated that she
doesn’t want to marry a lawyer. Oh wait before I delve in further let me tell
you my top 3 criteria for a spouse:
Ø Needs to be as or more educated than me
Ø Non smoker
Ø Must love dogs
That’s all I
wanted in a boy and Marley matched these 3.
But there’s more
to it than just that. Even I didn’t want to marry a Lawyer though I am one
because the idea of seeing my spouse 24x7 and only talking about work would
have been depressing. Fortunately Marley is a Lawyer but a Professor so we
don’t really intersect in our professional capacity. So, when Aparna says she
doesn’t want to marry a Lawyer, I get it. You can argue that she says she
doesn’t like being a lawyer but I don’t think that really is the case in
reality because lawyers get paid and you get a good life and nobody gonna be
complaining about that! Her rejecting people, dismissing someone who isn’t
serious about life or doesn’t have a 5 year plan is understandable. I wanted to
marry after I was settled because I needed that confidence and skill set to
survive on my own. In fact parents should only concentrate on two things for
their children:
1. Education,
make your kid study as much as they want to,
2. Financial
independence.
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| Sweet Lady |
If your kid
wants to grow a decent bank balance before taking the plunge, respect that. If
they have the education and bank balance and still don’t want to take the
plunge respect that. I don’t think Aparna deserves the flak she’s been getting
after the show aired. I am sure she has her reasons and it is none of our
business to be poking and prodding into her life choices. Similarly Ankita was
easily relatable. If only society were more accepting of women who were happy
just doing their job we’d be a much better and less bitter world.
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| Nadia |
Nadia, is any
matchmakers quintessential dream because she seemed like someone who really
wanted to be in a relationship. She seemed like a complete “heart” person.
Which is why it was harder for me to relate to her because I have mostly been a
“mind” person and I am currently navigating life trying to strike a balance
between heart and mind.
Coming to the
lads. Vyasar reminded me so much of Marley! Completely honest, very upfront, he
knows when things aren’t working out, giving his best shot. One of the many
reasons why I chose Marley was because in several respects we are really
different. I cannot socialise, I am selectively extroverted, I have my way of
life that I don’t particularly want to share details of with the rest of the world.
He on the other hand is all embracing. He is nice even to some of the meanest
people we have encountered and it is not because he isn’t aware of their
essence but because he is a nice guy.
He loves going out on weekends (something he hasn’t been doing and that’s
driving him nuts), hosting friends at home for drinks and dinner. If it were
just me I would have spent this lockdown time reading, listening to music and
coming out of my room only for my meals and chances are I would have skipped
those too and gone back into my cocoon. Yes, when I watched Vyasar’s segment I thought,
“Poor kid, he has all the Indian aunties “a boy should not be” boxes ticked.
Starting with the fact that he is a school teacher, he isn’t fair; he’s fat and
indulges in childish hobbies (I know they call them childish because I have
been told my hobbies are also childish.).
If I could only tell you how people dismiss teachers/professors from the
matrimonial list you’ll be shocked. It is not just girls who have to be fair,
boys do too. Don’t even get me started on weight!
You know what? The
whole matchmaking scene itself is so toxic. I am not surprised that Vinay
flaked on Nadia, or that Akshay wants to marry someone like his mother or that
Pradhyuman’s family hasn’t realised he is not into women. More importantly notice
how Srini took Aparna to a place that was clearly out of her comfort zone and
she still managed to get through the evening? Well, see men can test women, even get competitive but
if a woman so much as says he’s not on the same page as me with a 5 year plan,
everybody will point fingers and say, “How dare she! How dare she test a man
and ask about his plans!” Did anybody else notice Dilip’s face when Aparna said
she wants to go to Iran and Pakistan? Yeah… tells a lot about the man too.
So, whether you
marry because you fell in love or met because of your parents or there was a
matchmaker, make sure you marry someone after you get to know the person and if
you have a certain life style that you want for yourself and the other person
doesn’t want the same there is no reason to judge. Just say no and walk away.
Marry only if you want to and don’t marry EVER because someone asked you to.
Marry only if you want to. I can’t seem to emphasise this enough.
Also society can
go fuck itself if they think their parameters for a “good match” are even
accurate in bringing two people together. Fact: Only the two people getting
married know what they are willingly walking into.
Also Sima
Taparia on her part has been honest. She hasn’t sugar coated anything. She’s
expressed her individual opinion on each person. It is also a fact that her
opinions and parameters for a good match stem from this doctored notion of what
society thinks is right when two people get married. What do they mean, “They
will look nice?” I have always wondered about this are they talking about the
couple looking good when they are fully clothed or sans clothes? What good does
looking good do anyway?
Look at dear man
Ted Bundy, he raped and killed women no? Still women like him because he’s such
a charming gora chitta. Then there is
Vera Renczi, have you even seen images of hers that pop up on the net? Yet she
has been known to have killed at least 38 men.
I could go on
with this train of thought but there is one lesson I’ve learnt, I will not ask
any of my young friends to get married, ask them when they are getting married
or for that matter ask them about their marital status. That is no concern of
mine. See…Society, a person’s marital status is not YOUR concern.
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