Who am I?

Once upon a time people were a primary need. A very basic necessity in my life. I couldn’t do without certain people. They were all too important and an integral part of my life and indispensable. Then I grew up. Realized that nobody is indispensable. Probably the harshest lesson I have learnt. Way back in school people used to mind their own business. Friends were being friends – Honest, frank and very in your face. Friends never resorted to irritate or annoy people for fun. We played pranks but we were never repetitive. Everything done was laced with humor leaving no doubt to the other person to consider any intentions which may prove otherwise. Laughter, smiles, the general teenage angst and being oneself was the mantra. I probably got too used to doing things my way at my pace and the way I thought it would work best. By the time I got to college I was self reliant and did not really feel the need to have to approach anyone for any definite gyan on college, life and people. Within one month I realized that my batch mates were retarded. That is saying the least about them. Friendship meant – Favors, doing what they asked, agreeing with what they said, and saying the worst possible things about everybody in the friend circle behind their backs. I did not last long in the group. For one thing I don’t do favors because I expect somebody to return those favors. I don’t keep tabs about what I do for someone. If I agree to do something it only means I like you and that I have the time and hence I can help out. People never understood that there might be times when I might just not be able to help because I have my own things to do which are high on my priority list. I expect people to respect the time I need for myself.

I don’t take orders. Anyone who orders me needs to go get their inadequate brains checked. [ In case there are instances when I have actually listened while being ordered it is only because I was deliriously happy about something and the person ordering just got lucky. To all those people who got lucky – try not to push your luck with me.]

Unfortunately I am opinionated. If you ask me for my opinion you are going to get one. Don’t ever even for once ask me for my opinion only for the sake of asking, do so only if you value it. [If you don’t value it, you don’t have to ask. It’s very simple.] I could never agree with someone only because they are my friends. I can’t take a friend on my team only because they are my friends. If you don’t qualify for the team too bad. Does being my friend make you qualify for the team on default? No, it does not.

I can’t back stab. If I feel a particular way about someone and they demand to know how I feel I WILL tell them. If I hate someone they’ll know it. If I love someone they’ll know it. If I like someone they’ll know it. I like confrontation. I don’t play mind games with friends. I don’t like to have to second guess people I call friends. I like being happy around them. I like talking to them. Talking about everything under the sun.

I am not a sensitive person by nature. But if people I care about hurt me knowing fully well that they are hurting me bringing up the fact that I am heartless is not done. I don’t understand people who’ll go out of their way to irritate/hurt/annoy me with the intention of making my temper rise. If you are my friend you’ll talk to me about what ever I have done instead of using the above means. If you annoy me for the joy of it, knowing fully well the consequences that will follow then be prepared for a backlash. Because it will come your way and I promise you’ll not like it one bit. But what the heck! You asked for it.

As far as being heartless goes – News Flash – “I do have one”. Just because I don’t poke and prod you with questions about how and why your friend died doesn’t mean I care any less about you. It just means that if you want to talk about it, you are welcome to, but I can’t ask questions I’ll only listen. I can’t ask questions if I don’t know the person. I can’t feel sorry or sad that the person is no more because I don’t know that person. But I know you and if you want to talk you know where to find me. I don’t react to such news either because it has become common or because I am a cynic [I thought you would have known that already.] If I were to feel bad for everyone that died on this planet I’d be an emotional wreck within a minute of being such a person.

I don’t know what this makes me. This is me. If who I am is unacceptable to you, you always have an option – Click the stop button on our friendship. I’ll respect your reasons.