Gender differences
Eve teasing, inappropriately brushing past, “Accidentally” bumping, staring and lewd behavior are things that girls face quite often. The fact is that we vocally express our feelings about these incidents and vent at the fact that men are scum and blame the gender as a whole and curse their very existence. Eventually we find ourselves questioning our part in these incidents. Like, “Did I do something?”, “Why not anyone else from all the other girls there?” The fact is we find ourselves wishing it hadn’t happened to us. We start feeling the guilt of having probably led to the whole incident. Fact remains that perverts are perverts. You could be clad in a sari/burqa/ chudidhar and yet faced any of the above and you will still be left wondering if you were not dressed properly. This whole episode pretty much leaves one feeling extremely vulnerable and wishing to dear god that they were a boy.
I have always wondered if the woman were the one behaving inappropriately and a man was to be facing the abuse, would he feel equally confused? Would it be easier for a guy to brush such an incident off? Would the guy turn around and yell back at the woman? Hit her perhaps? Because when women turn around to verbally abuse the guy who misbehaved with them, it is considered as instigating the man to abuse her more. So hitting back at the man is totally out of question. [The same situation in a crowded place is different, because people have changed considerably. They love beating up the bad guy. So a scream and slap works wonders.]
For a really long time I imagined that men did feel the same way as women only difference being that they never admitted it. Where as we women always do. I haven’t had any of my male friends ever talking about Adam teasing or any other form of crude behavior by women. One of my friends told me about a horrible episode that involved eunuchs and how he has had a fear for them since then. But eunuchs don’t chose their target based on gender.
Recently a friend of mine told me about sexual advances made towards him by another man. That was enough to make my friend bolt. But I have never been told about men being abused by women. [I am not talking about domestic violence here.]
So I am left wondering can women ever make a man feel vulnerable in a totally “help me, I don’t want this woman touching
Just wondering.
Comments
The best option is to document the harassment/abuse. Audio or video proof of harassment solved most of these cases when I worked in law enforcement. This is easier than ever now with cell cams and recorders.
Around here, many, many women carry pepper spray or concealed handguns...and use them. Every time I visit the shooting range, there are dozens of women lined up practicing with GLOCK's and .38 revolvers precisely because of an attempted rape, etc. that they NEVER want to experience again. So the problem is everywhere.
But my point here was about role reversal.
See if there were a scale on which one could compare the degree of abuse the lowest point to start would be eve teasing, lewd comments, brushing/bumping, grabbing/groping, attempting to rape, rape : This being the highest degree on the said scale. OK.
The fact is that abuse mentioned from eve teasing to groping are very common around here. The point i was trying to make was that even these incidents leave a person feeling completely vulnerable.
Hence i was wondering if it were a man being abused by a woman instead of vice versa, would the man feel anything at all?
For instance, more than a few women in the U.S. aren't afraid to grab/grope guys. It's supposed to be a "compliment," but is actually invasive and irritating. If you're a big guy who lifts weights etc., girls at parties and clubs take this as an invitation to pinch, squeeze, and grope. Even if they're ostensibly friendly, I always have this residual thought of, "why don't you keep your damn hands to yourself until you get to know me?"
So yes, being objectified is universally unpleasant.
That a man can feel/think when a woman gropes/does anything that makes him uncomfortable and want to say' keep your hands to yourself' is understandable.
But then mad men around should also understand that women have pretty much the same thought process. I'm sure no woman would appreciate some strange third rated ass pawing around with her.
Its time men understood that too. Honestly.